Another Weird Thought

Along the same lines, I was thinking today about formula.  Giving Ezra formula was never an option, because he displayed allergies to cow's milk protein, and possibly soy, the 2 main options for formula (unless you want to spend thousands on chemically created hypoallergenic formula made of God-knows what--no thank you!). His tummy could only handle mommy's milk.  So I was thinking, what if we had formula modified from actual humans' milk?  I got an image of hard-working women at an assembly line donating their milk.  And my thought was--gross!!  Just like I know everyone else's would be.  My mind went to their diet, health, medications, chemical exposure, vitamins, possible contamination, and so on.

I offer you this strange image because it sparked a thought--why don't we have the same concern for the actual formulas that we buy for our babies?  What is the diet of those cows?  How is their health?  What kind of medications are they given?  How sanitary are the facilities?  And why would it be so gross to have formula processed from our intended source?

I know I don't know much about baby formula or how it is created, except that it has a base of cow's milk.  And while I'm sure I would have looked for an organic option, it still doesn't answer any of those questions.  Here are the ingredients on an organic label: Organic Reduced Minerals Whey, Organic Non-Fat Milk, Organic Lactose, Organic Glucose Syrup Solids, Organic Palm Oil Or Organic Palm Olein, Organic Coconut Oil, Organic High Oleic (Safflower Or Sunflower Oil), Organic Soy Oil, Organic Whey Protein Concentrate.  Then of course they are fortified with vitamins.

I'm not really making a statement here.  Just thinking publicly.  

A Weird Thought

I've been thinking a lot about boobs lately.  Weird, I know.  But our society has such a twisted focus on anatomy.  While I lived in Mauritania I saw enough boobs to last a lifetime.  They were functional, like an arm or a leg, and about as sexual as my big toe.  They weren't a topic of conversation or of lust.  They just were.

A couple nights ago on the news they were talking about this doll.
It is a doll that makes the motions of breastfeeding.  It comes with an apron for the little girl to wear, so there is no physical contact and nothing indecent about it.  However, Americans are in an uproar and have decided it is completely inappropriate!  Apparently we are supposed to let little kids "remain children," and that it is gross and weird.  But why are people really so disturbed by this?  Surely my niece, who is 3, would enjoy this doll.  She has a little brother and mimics all aspects of his care with her own baby doll, and I have witnessed part of that includes nursing!  Isn't that part of being children?  There is nothing sexual about this doll, but I get the feeling that our hyper-sexual culture is as uncomfortable as they would be if it was a little stripper doll--maybe even more so!

Does anyone have any thoughts about this?

Raspberry Avocado Truffle Pie

My 5 1/2 year old niece may not have fully appreciated it, but this delicious treat is a delightful way to celebrate the return of spring--or the birth of amazing sister-in-laws!  It is super easy to make, only 6 ingredients and its dairy-free and gluten-free!  What more could you ask for?  I made this for Elise's birthday, because here in Texas we ring in the spring as early as February (lest you think I'm gloating, our spring is also tragically short-lived; last year it shriveled up in the heat by April!).
Enjoy!


-2 large avocados, mashed
-3 T orange juice (more or less to taste)
-14 oz baking chocolate or chocolate chips (or Enjoy Life chocolate chips for dairy free!)
-1 T vanilla extract
-1/3 cup rice milk (or regular milk)
-16 oz fresh raspberries



Mix avocados with orange juice.  Meanwhile slowly melt chocolate over double boiler and add vanilla extract and milk option.  If using bittersweet chocolate, add maple syrup or sugar to lightly sweeten.  Once the mixture is smooth and evenly dissolved, remove from heat and combine with avocado mixture. Pour over fresh raspberries and add a final layer of berries on top.  Refridgerate until firm, and then enjoy in small, decadent slices! 

Eva wishes she could have some!

Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs

Wow. Read that title again.  I mean, really, read it.  Then let it sink it (and repeat if necessary).

That phrase comes from the classic description of true love found in 1 Corinthians 13.  I have had this passage memorize for years.  In two different languages. 

And yet...

Lying in bed tonight I found myself doing it.  As I have so often done it.  Going through my list.  That mental list of times I've been wronged.  Of things that I am owed.  Of what I should have said.  Of what I would say now.  The dishes--left undone--again.  Broken headphones.  Empty gas tank.  Rude jokes.  Experiences denied.  Hurtful words.  Times left out.     

And I was interrupted by a whisper.

Love keeps no record of wrongs.

The wind went rushing out of my gut as that gentle whisper wrapped itself around my head like a fog.  A simple phrase.  A well-known verse.  Pounded into my brain for years, but I never once had the thought that I thought tonight:

If that is love, who do I love?  Do I really love anyone at all?

I don't want to be that person.  I refuse to be that person.  I refuse to live in bitterness or regret.  I refuse to relish the mental replay of what I could have said to cut a person to size. I refuse to wallow in self-pity or martyrdom.  I choose love.  Forget the dishes.  Lose the record.

Take a moment.  Who do you love?  And then answer this: how well do you love them?  Are you willing to truly love and lose any record of wrongs?

Being an Environmentally Conscious Mama

Is it possible to be an environmentally conscious global citizen as well as an overwhelmed mama?  I think I've found the answer:

No.

I read somewhere that mothers are the champions at harboring guilt.  House is never clean enough, child is never nurtured enough, husband is never cared for enough, etc, etc.  So, as a result I've decided to simplify my life and take a 30 day paper challenge. 

For the next 30 days, I am using all disposable dishes.  I've hidden our dishes from the menfolk and bought paper products (except for silverware--I draw the line at forks that break off while trying to eat!).  I am no longer adding to the mound of recycling that piles up so high we cannot open our back door (Houston is located in the heart of oil country and therefore does not encourage recycling...wannabe green consumers have to drive to the nearest center in order to recycle!).  And guess what.  I am refusing to feel guilty about it!  And maybe, just maybe, during the next 30 days I'll get a handle on my inferiority complex about how I'll never be as good of a mom as my own mother.  And maybe I'll quit feeling guilty about spending time with  my son or checking my email without having to avoid the kitchen all day long because of my guilt about the dishes that have piled up.

The earth is important, but so is my family and my mental health.  I've prided myself on being "green" since college when I first learned that non-organic milk can be full of pus.  But now I've realized there is a balance to be maintained.  And a family living within that balance is both a happy family and a responsible family.  No, I don't think living on paper products is the answer.  But I do think it is ok to allow this time to help my family find that answer.  And in the meantime I'm going to play with my son and not tap my foot anxiously waiting for naptime so that I can do work, because that is no way to live!

Don't worry, once I find out how to live green AND sane, I will let you all know.

Are You as Money Savvy as You Think? (Public Service Announcement)

I read somewhere sometime that people lose an average of $1,000 YEARLY in medical and insurance billing errors.  The article said you should always be vigilant about checking over your bills and keeping records.  Insurance companies can be lazy or downright corrupt in the amounts they bill.  Doctors offices sort through lots of payments, confusing and elusive insurance agents.  Often, bills come back with errors or incomplete payments.  But since its usually been months since the actually visit, and the language itself can be so confusing, and service reps hours so inconvenient that even if you notice an inconsistency its easier to just pay the bill! 

I'm sure I've overpaid my fair share.  But this past year with Ezra I knew money would be tight for us, and bills would be coming in from many different places so I decided to be vigilant.  Despite the inconvenience of checking bills, calling offices, calling companies all the while dealing with a newborn, I persevered.  The results are still pending for further savings (or I guess I should say overall less spendings), but so far I have avoided paying $702 in false charges! 

Some things I caught:
-incorrect treatment date billed by doctors and subsequently denied by my insurance
-wrong member ID number (dr office duplicated a digit in the middle of while coding)
-incorrect coding of services by dr's office
-random duplicate bill indicating additional (accidental) charges

Basically, I had to wade through a lot of technical language and ended up frequently calling my insurance and doctors' and labs.  Anytime a bill looked too high, or if it didn't have an insurance payment I called.  It took an average of 3 calls to get each bill resolved.  I received several "final notices" that threatened collection agencies while I was working to get the payments worked out.  Currently, I am even appealing my bill from Ezra's delivery back in June, which I think was grossly underpaid!  Hopefully I'll get another couple hundred dollars knocked off, which will bring us right up to that $1,000 marker for the year!  Guess whoever wrote that estimate was right!

So, word to the wise--read your bills before you pay them!  Call your insurance companies (the 800 number on the back of your card) and ask them about it.  Often they will go through the bill with you and itemize how much they paid and why.  Or, if it is a mistake on the end of your dr's office, your rep can call with you on the line to get it resolved.  It may be a lot of time and effort, but definitely worth it for the money saved!

The Precious

"My Precious..." The whisper echoes through the air as a hand gently strokes its most precious object of desire. The caress is loving, possessive.  Another voice breaks into the stillness.  It is commanding, authoritative, yet full of compassion.  "It's been called that before..."

All of a sudden I am brought jarringly back to the present, and look down at those dumpling cheeks that I love so much to kiss with a new perspective.  The journey that I am right now on is not so different than that our beloved little hobbit friends took many years ago through Middle Earth.

**Please don't picture me now as a withered drooling bug-eyed shell of a person, hunched over my baby (for those of you that aren't LotR fans, just ignore that image)**

Take a moment.  Hear me out.  For those of you that are mothers, or parents, this is not a difficult stretch of imagination.  As I sat today, rocking my little munchkin to sleep I realized with startling clarity that no matter what I may think, the precious little bundle in my lap was not mine.  In spite of the numerous pronouns and adjectives that I may use to describe him, my son, Ezra, has only been entrusted to me for a short while.  On this journey, similar to the one embarked upon by 9 friends from a different world, I am responsible for the well-being of something small and infinitely valuable.  He is mine to protect and carry along the same path until I return him to whence he came (which is where the analogy loses steam-the implications of the end of this journey is far less ominous as I have no intention of tossing him into a fire pit now or ever!). 

However, I don't have the ultimate say on what he does, who he becomes, or what happens to him.  I am ushering a fellow soul towards his destiny, but I am not in control, nor dare I attempt to possess him.  Frodo was not to wear the ring, and could not wield its power. And while for now Ezra may need to be cared for physically as a child, he has a soul that will be eternal. 

It is both reassuring and terrifying.  Reassuring that my failings are not the end-all in his development.  Reassuring that if I do not exact complete control over his surroundings (obsess over the car seat, stuffed animals in his crib, food allergies, germs, cold weather, hot weather, peers, role models, etc etc...) he is not automatically doomed.  And yet it is terrifying.  Terrifying to leave him in the hands of an almighty God.  Terrifying to realize that I cannot exact complete control over his surroundings.  Terrifying that in spite of desperate prayers for safety, health, wise decisions, and infinite happiness, he may end up with something completely different. 

But I have faith.  I choose reassurance over terror.  I recognize that unlike Lord of the Rings, my Lord seeks set us free from the darkness rather than bind us.  And as his mother, my duty is to usher Ezra into His presence and raise him into the man he is supposed to be.  "The ring yearns to go home, to return to the hand of its Master."  So my son, already since the day he was born has been yearning to return to his Master.