I mentioned in my New Year's post that work has been getting me down. If I'd been writing this a month ago I would have said that I despised my job. I would have mentioned that the only thing keeping me at my job is that every Sunday when I begged Joel to let me put in my 2 weeks notice the next Monday morning he asked me just to stick it out until he had a stable job teaching. And for a while I really thought I hated it! Lately things have been better, but I think it's been more a result of my change in perspective rather than anything different at work.
It's not that I don't care about my job. Far from it! I am very happy to be back working with a resettlement agency, because it is such important work, and being active in the global community is really important to me. But as a job developer, sometimes I feel like I am being asked to do the impossible, as though I am the very last chance for our refugees to make it in this world. They have come here from circumstances that most Americans can't even begin to wrap our brains around, and their resettlement here is supposedly a compassionate response--Welcome to America, the Land of Opportunity! Yet instead they find themselves here in Houston, living in apartments infested with bed bugs and vagrants, trapped in government assistance programs that at times hardly pay enough to cover their rent and tick like a time bomb while they race to learn English and fight the ever-widening job pool of qualified Americans for a job that pays minimum wage!
Every day I have a case manager come to me with their sad story, about a single mom or family with 7 kids or a disabled patriarch. They advocate for their clients, fight to keep them in the forefront of my mind as I petition employers and sweet-talk HR directors. Daily I am asked if I have anything for someone who doesn't speak any English and I find myself laughing in their faces (unprofessional, I know, but what else do I do to keep from crying?). And every person that we fail to aid in the integration process, every person that fails to find a job and every family that ends up on the street is my own personal nightmare--someone that came here promised the world and that I let down. And then I have dreams at night, dreams that master those moments where I could have done more. After one such dream I even offered our spare bedroom to my resettlement director (another of my wild schemes that my crazy and adoring husband accepted without question) but he refused.
Sure, I know there are a lot of aspects that go into a person's transition here to the United States. I know there are a million different factors that can make them fail or succeed. I know every interaction from volunteers, caseworkers, neighbors, and friends helps along the way. I know their ability to grasp English, prior education, and the effort they put into going to class make a huge difference. I know their character, personality, presentation, determination, and sheer good luck each contribute to their process of starting over here. But somehow, it all seems to culminate in finding that job, and that is where I come in. The measure of their success starts and ends with me!
Maybe I feel it strongly because I've been a stranger in a new country where people wondered what the heck I was doing there (even though technically, they were the ones that brought me there). At times they could even be hostile! But at the same time, I never worried that we wouldn't make it. There no one registers for food stamps or medicaid and then has to wait months to receive said "benefits" (and here we stumble across yet another example of my favorite pet peeve, that is, the way our language is used to isolate and alienate at-risk populations so that the "average American" just can't relate, widening the gaps in our society that much further...who does it really "benefit" to receive a measly TANF payment that only helps your family sink further into poverty? just like identifying undocumented workers and immigrant as "illegal aliens" evokes imagery of crazed little green men in space suits trying to take over our entire country! sorry, long aside...I won't go into it further right now...). Anyway, in Mauritania, people help each other out. Even the strangers. The few occasions where Joel and I were having a tight month, friends and neighbors stepped in by lending us money and inviting us to meals. There is no massive bureaucratic sinkhole that sucks in the unfortunate never to be seen or heard from again! Not that the Mauritanian government (aka military) has things better figured out than we do, seeing as they tend to screw up pretty much anything they get involved in. Maybe that is the point?....
Ok, so I'm starting to ramble a little bit. All I really wanted to say was that although my job makes me exhausted, stressed-out and frustrated, I don't hate it, at least not anymore. I am constantly at a loss of what to do with the college-educated, professionally-experienced clients we have that can't seem to manage to land anything better than a manufacturing job. And I'm at a loss of how to show employers that hiring these clients is not a social service, but a wise business move. And I'm also at a loss of how to show my other co-workers that I am not here to compete against them, which seems to be the current mode of operation, but that I'd really love it if we could work together!!
I should point out that my job is something that I've been really grateful for. Not only was it a huge blessing just to find employment of any kind in order to keep a roof over our heads, but this job is an engaging and also laid back (most of the times :o) environment full of coworkers that I have grown to really appreciate and like! I love hearing the different languages circulating through the office, especially trying to pick up what I can of the Arabic that I hear. I get to learn about different cultures every day. And some of my only friends in Houston are from my work, and it helps to not feel so lonely all the time!
My goal for this year is to be better at my job, which means finding more jobs (the economy could help with this if it would just get its act together!). Also to keep from being isolated, which has been hard to avoid in a new place with Joel working whenever I am not. But I tend to keep a better perspective when I'm surrounded by people to keep me in line, and to keep me from obsessing (and being depressed) about situations at work. So I'm going into 2010 with a new attitude, and I'm bouncing back. Is that all you've got, YMCA?
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Friday, January 1, 2010
Ringing in the New Year...
New Year's Eve. A celebration full of fun, anticipation, good times with friends, and excitement over a fresh start in the year to come! And I made it to approximately 11:50pm last night before falling asleep.
Don't get me wrong. 2009 was a big year (even if it went out as a bit of a flop). I look forward to 2010 being even bigger, if for completely different reasons. But by 11:50 last night I could completely relate with old man 2009, staggering along barely even caring that baby 2010 was about to be born! Because I am completely exhausted! I feel like the last few months I've been living like a person in a coma, and I have no idea what has been going on around me.
I attempted to write a blog about it, which turned into my personal memoirs, so I'll just summarize some of it here, and maybe post the rest in subsequent entries (not for the faint of heart).
In short, 2009 was a marathon that left me exhausted. In 2009 I managed to hit 7 different countries, crossed the Atlantic 6 times, finished up some major projects in Mauritania (including getting my theater club en brusse and helping with several murals), saw my roommate get married, had a whirlwind COS, said goodbye to dear friends both Mauritanian and American without promise of ever seeing them again, travelled back and forth from Texas and Wheaton 6 or 7 times, unpacked all of our belongings, repacked them all, drove to Houston, unpacked everything again, started a new job which drives me absolutely crazy, watched my husband re-start an old job at the Dirty Bird which also drives me crazy because it keeps him out most nights, and I lost my cat--whom I love and still makes me sad! (did I mention she also traversed the Atlantic Ocean, 3 different countries, and 9 different states only to disappear during a Texas thunderstorm, never to be seen again). I was also here for the birth of a new niece and a nephew, and in September came down with a bug of my own that I've been dealing with ever since!
There is probably more that I am forgetting, and even though I didn't make it to midnight last night, I did spend today day hiding out in my apartment deciding what the next decade will look like. So I came up with a couple of resolutions for the year:
--Find a place in Houston that recycles so we can finally empty out the trunk of our car that has been accumulating paper and cardboard for the last 4 months. Yes, I live in the least environment-friendly city in the country.
--Not belittle david (or others, but mostly david I think) for doing things that I do myself (such as make new year's resolutions...)
--Gain 20lbs (Hooray for Heman!!!!!)
--Be a better wife, a better daughter, a better mother (can you be better at something you've never been before?), a better friend, sibling, and coworker
--Last but certainly not the easiest: find and record 1 reason per week to appreciate where I'm at and what I am doing (current state of mind-this is going to be tough)
Well, those are my resolutions. Feel free to call me on them and keep me on track! Especially if you know a convenient place for me to recycle. A girl can only have so much cardboard furniture!!
Bring it on, 2010.
Don't get me wrong. 2009 was a big year (even if it went out as a bit of a flop). I look forward to 2010 being even bigger, if for completely different reasons. But by 11:50 last night I could completely relate with old man 2009, staggering along barely even caring that baby 2010 was about to be born! Because I am completely exhausted! I feel like the last few months I've been living like a person in a coma, and I have no idea what has been going on around me.
I attempted to write a blog about it, which turned into my personal memoirs, so I'll just summarize some of it here, and maybe post the rest in subsequent entries (not for the faint of heart).
In short, 2009 was a marathon that left me exhausted. In 2009 I managed to hit 7 different countries, crossed the Atlantic 6 times, finished up some major projects in Mauritania (including getting my theater club en brusse and helping with several murals), saw my roommate get married, had a whirlwind COS, said goodbye to dear friends both Mauritanian and American without promise of ever seeing them again, travelled back and forth from Texas and Wheaton 6 or 7 times, unpacked all of our belongings, repacked them all, drove to Houston, unpacked everything again, started a new job which drives me absolutely crazy, watched my husband re-start an old job at the Dirty Bird which also drives me crazy because it keeps him out most nights, and I lost my cat--whom I love and still makes me sad! (did I mention she also traversed the Atlantic Ocean, 3 different countries, and 9 different states only to disappear during a Texas thunderstorm, never to be seen again). I was also here for the birth of a new niece and a nephew, and in September came down with a bug of my own that I've been dealing with ever since!
There is probably more that I am forgetting, and even though I didn't make it to midnight last night, I did spend today day hiding out in my apartment deciding what the next decade will look like. So I came up with a couple of resolutions for the year:
--Find a place in Houston that recycles so we can finally empty out the trunk of our car that has been accumulating paper and cardboard for the last 4 months. Yes, I live in the least environment-friendly city in the country.
--Not belittle david (or others, but mostly david I think) for doing things that I do myself (such as make new year's resolutions...)
--Gain 20lbs (Hooray for Heman!!!!!)
--Be a better wife, a better daughter, a better mother (can you be better at something you've never been before?), a better friend, sibling, and coworker
--Last but certainly not the easiest: find and record 1 reason per week to appreciate where I'm at and what I am doing (current state of mind-this is going to be tough)
Well, those are my resolutions. Feel free to call me on them and keep me on track! Especially if you know a convenient place for me to recycle. A girl can only have so much cardboard furniture!!
Bring it on, 2010.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Spirit-killer
I know it's been quite awhile since I've blogged anything. There's been a lot going on lately with work and life, but nothing I felt particularly like blogging about. Lately, however, I've been thinking a lot about fear. Fear and our society's bizarre obsession with it! We live in one of the safest periods in the history of time. Mortality rates are down, life expectancy is up. Modern medicine has more capabilities to preserve life than our ancestors could ever have imagined. We have cell phones, 9-1-1 emergency responses, seat belts, airbags, and alarm systems. We should feel an amazing sense of security. And yet many people are completely dominated by fear. America used to be "in God we trust," or "the home of the brave." But today our societal structure has been built upon intricate networks of fear and intimidation.
Last week I sat in a new employee meeting with our company's Aflac representative. She pitched several different insurance packages to us that could potentially offset the costs of a potential future tragedy, if we start paying monthly installments now. There is a life insurance package (which is on top of the automatic package our company provides) which will double or triple my current "award" (1 year's salary) to Joel if I die. There is also cancer "protection." I can start payments now, and in the event that someday I get cancer, Aflak will help to cover my expenses (more fully than most insurances, and without a pre-existing condition clause). There is even a coverage package for rare diseases. I can pay about $25 a month and if I come down with any number of rare diseases--including mad cow disease or West Nile virus, I'll be paid for my pains.
The representative had a wealth of examples and stories about freak accidents and random occurences that rarely happen in life outside of Grey's Anatomy. Stories about people falling with lanyards and cutting off fingers or children getting bizarre immune disorders. She preyed upon our feelings of being alone and vulnerable. She took away any faith in God or family or health or anything else, and instilled a terrifying feeling of lack of control and connection. And several of my coworkers, desperate for that control or connection to someone that will support them through tough times are now participating in various plans. And so it's got me wondering what has happened to our society, when our confidence passed away and fear took over.
I spent the last 2 years of my life in Mauritania, and didn't feel afraid once. Joel and I were the only white people for miles. We experienced a coup d'etat. We slept outside. I was alone quite a bit--as a women in an environment that was very anti-women. Our neighbors and host family were Arab and Muslim, a culture that is often quite hostile to the West. But you can ask Joel--we weren't afraid once.
Now I'm back in the States, and I find myself obsessively locking doors. When I'm at home alone I bolt my door-sometimes twice. I didn't hesitate to enroll in my work's healthcare plan--that was half the reason for finding a job! And when I walk alone at night I get freaked out quite a bit.
So what's the difference?
The only thing I've been able to come up with is self-reliance. Here in the States we pride ourselves on self-reliance and being independent. In Mauritania they have a "mashallah" attitude about everything--basically saying that life is in God's hands and there isn't much we can do about it. They have a community focus--one that says that neighbors take care of each other and look out for one another. People in Maal constantly told me "we have no problems here," by which they really meant no one is ever alone, and we don't let anyone come to harm under our watch. For example: one time we heard a domestic squabble going on a few houses away. A woman started yelling. And in less than a minute, our entire neighborhood had convened, men descending on that household as though it was on fire! They mediated the situation, and everything was taken care of quickly and without problem.
What is my response to this? As a result I've been thinking a lot about Matthew 10:28: "Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body..." What have we traded in this obsessive journey for self-preservation where we have stopped caring about the soul in our desire to protect the body? In our quest for comfort and protection, we have cast aside God, neighbor, friend, and faith. Has our increase in health care, safety measures, convenient appliances and life expectancy really made our world a better place? In our society where we allow ourselves to be dominated by fear-mongering from the media and other influences we prevent ourselves from truly living, and from ever discovering truth. So my challenge today is to think about your community--the structure of family, friends, co-workers and neighbors that may be providing support to you in tough times. Think about where you are placing your trust--beware of that which can destroy your soul.
Last week I sat in a new employee meeting with our company's Aflac representative. She pitched several different insurance packages to us that could potentially offset the costs of a potential future tragedy, if we start paying monthly installments now. There is a life insurance package (which is on top of the automatic package our company provides) which will double or triple my current "award" (1 year's salary) to Joel if I die. There is also cancer "protection." I can start payments now, and in the event that someday I get cancer, Aflak will help to cover my expenses (more fully than most insurances, and without a pre-existing condition clause). There is even a coverage package for rare diseases. I can pay about $25 a month and if I come down with any number of rare diseases--including mad cow disease or West Nile virus, I'll be paid for my pains.
The representative had a wealth of examples and stories about freak accidents and random occurences that rarely happen in life outside of Grey's Anatomy. Stories about people falling with lanyards and cutting off fingers or children getting bizarre immune disorders. She preyed upon our feelings of being alone and vulnerable. She took away any faith in God or family or health or anything else, and instilled a terrifying feeling of lack of control and connection. And several of my coworkers, desperate for that control or connection to someone that will support them through tough times are now participating in various plans. And so it's got me wondering what has happened to our society, when our confidence passed away and fear took over.
I spent the last 2 years of my life in Mauritania, and didn't feel afraid once. Joel and I were the only white people for miles. We experienced a coup d'etat. We slept outside. I was alone quite a bit--as a women in an environment that was very anti-women. Our neighbors and host family were Arab and Muslim, a culture that is often quite hostile to the West. But you can ask Joel--we weren't afraid once.
Now I'm back in the States, and I find myself obsessively locking doors. When I'm at home alone I bolt my door-sometimes twice. I didn't hesitate to enroll in my work's healthcare plan--that was half the reason for finding a job! And when I walk alone at night I get freaked out quite a bit.
So what's the difference?
The only thing I've been able to come up with is self-reliance. Here in the States we pride ourselves on self-reliance and being independent. In Mauritania they have a "mashallah" attitude about everything--basically saying that life is in God's hands and there isn't much we can do about it. They have a community focus--one that says that neighbors take care of each other and look out for one another. People in Maal constantly told me "we have no problems here," by which they really meant no one is ever alone, and we don't let anyone come to harm under our watch. For example: one time we heard a domestic squabble going on a few houses away. A woman started yelling. And in less than a minute, our entire neighborhood had convened, men descending on that household as though it was on fire! They mediated the situation, and everything was taken care of quickly and without problem.
What is my response to this? As a result I've been thinking a lot about Matthew 10:28: "Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body..." What have we traded in this obsessive journey for self-preservation where we have stopped caring about the soul in our desire to protect the body? In our quest for comfort and protection, we have cast aside God, neighbor, friend, and faith. Has our increase in health care, safety measures, convenient appliances and life expectancy really made our world a better place? In our society where we allow ourselves to be dominated by fear-mongering from the media and other influences we prevent ourselves from truly living, and from ever discovering truth. So my challenge today is to think about your community--the structure of family, friends, co-workers and neighbors that may be providing support to you in tough times. Think about where you are placing your trust--beware of that which can destroy your soul.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Have You Seen This Cat??
I lost my cat. She's been gone now for a week and it's been a surprisingly hard thing for me to deal with! I value existence without drama and pride myself as being unemotional, normally avoiding social signs of weakness such as crying or talking about my feelings (I was not raised to by your typical girly-girl). But I've been sitting alone in the evenings while Joel's working and sometimes I can hear her little bell following me about the different rooms! I need her and keep expecting her to show up and bug me some more.
My relationship with Shwey is definitely a love-hate one. I love her so much. I rescued her as a frail, tiny, two-week old kitten that desperately needed me. And she in turn filled this massive void Joel and I felt in Mauritania--that is being needed, having an impact. Finally another creature in the world that what we did mattered to! So having her around...we bonded. But at the same time, she's not the sweetest cat in the world. The only cuddle time we have is when she thinks I'm asleep, at which point in her mind it is safe to get in hand's reach, and she curls herself up against my back or neck and purrs herself to sleep. For the most part, we coexisted (her choice).
Don't call PETA on me, but I think while in Mauritania my perception of animals and their role on earth changed a bit. The first time I saw a donkey being beaten and left to die was shocking. The first time I saw little boys dragging around tiny-birds tied to a string, I couldn't help scolding them, even in my pathetically insufficient language skills. But during my time there I hit a point where I saw animals as far more utilitarian in their purpose. Could I really judge those boys for building a yo-yo out of a bird, when they'd never actually been given a toy? (I'm not saying it's any less horrifying of a toy) If your donkey is a tool or machine that has stopped functioning, is there any point to continue putting money and labor into it?
Joel and I had a dog and a cat while in Mauritania. Locals found it very strange that we didn't beat them (much) and actually let them into our homes and become part of our lives. They found our entertainment of animals very odd. But I think we shared in the same ultimately utilitarian view. Unlike the USA's "animals are people too," campaign, I tend to view animals in their relationship and value to us. Maybe I don't need them to work for me, but I kept Shwey around and she had value because she made me happy. I liked having her around. I liked her warm, fluffy fur when she would curl up next to me. I liked her spastic attacks of anything that moved, because it made me laugh. I liked when my dog, Bibi, would leap up on her hind legs in a ridiculous dance because she was so happy to play when we came home. These animals are what they offered to me. They don't have souls. They aren't eternal beings. I don't know where Shwey is now. If she is dead, that is it. If she is alive, I hope she comes back. But I don't want to mourn her. I'm not going to feel guilty if I have another cat. I do miss her and her silly antics, and Shwey if you are reading this I do want you to come home!
I think we learn to love in stages and expand as people. As very small children we only know how to love ourselves and our parents. We learn to love siblings, cousins, friends, and crazy aunts and uncles. When we add a pet, especially one that is dependent completely on us, it opens up another level. Not that pets are more important than the above mentioned relations, but they help to bring us out of ourselves in the way that others do not, because they rely on us more than anything else. I think they are probably a good phasing point towards children. A lot of people that have never had kids talk about their pets as kids, most people that have children never compare their animals to them! Why is that? I think they've taken it up a notch, seen how much more they could love something, and how much less selfish they can be. Even though now it feels like our little family has been broken up, and while I really miss my "baby" that I was looking forward to having around for another 15 years, I know I'm only at one step on the journey, and still have a lot to learn about loving myself less and others more and being part of a bigger family and community. So maybe we'll end up adopting one of the sad little creatures we've seen at the shelters we've visited. Who knows. But if you are thinking about getting a pet I recommend rescuing one--visit one of your local shelters and walking away will be one of the hardest things you've ever done.
And if you see this cat--let me know!!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Actually Leaving the Desert
In other news, I thought I was moving past Mauritania. Even if I haven't processed it fully (or at all for that matter) and haven't packed it away in a neat little box or compiled it in a concise blog post, I thought I was a normal person again (as normal as I ever was). I even caved and changed my profile pic on Facebook!
But, I am definitely not normal. For example, I still find myself craving long baguettes made of only flour and salt, or a huge bowl of spoiled milk camouflaged with excessive amounts of sugar. I fight the urge to obsessively shake everyone's hands whenever I walk into a room or leave it. I find myself putting my hand over my heart and averting eye contact when I encounter a man, especially one that I don't know very well. I find myself telling people things are "bismillah" or "tewf," or "zayn hatta!" and expect them to understand me! I wear sweaters in the summer in Texas and really can't comprehend certain disciplines such as not eating too much, exercising, reading/studying, being alone, or getting to work on time. To top it off I'm pretty sure my hair is still falling out!
And yet I still thought all of that was behind me. Until I started working back in a refugee resettlement agency. All of a sudden I am surrounded by people who are not only interested in my experiences, but have heard of Mauritania and can also ask somewhat relevant questions about my experience! And I run into Iraqis in the lobby talking about cell phone plans in Arabic and it sounds like a TMobile commercial I'm watching on Dubai 1! And today I helped a young guy from Iraq named Mohammed and a young guy from Somalia (also named Mohammed) go on job interviews which went really well, and it was such an amazingly cohesive moment. Suddenly my worlds are colliding and it makes sense! I don't have to relegate poor Noura to life in her alternate world of Mauritania and pamper Melissa here in the US as though nothing is different. Mauritania happened and life is happening now. I can say Salamu Aley kum and there are some folks around that understand. Or they don't and that doesn't matter. And although I'm still unsuccessful at processing my experiences so that I can parcel Mauritania off into a pretty little box (only to be dusted off and opened during the scattered Ramadan and Tobaski phone calls), I think I have a pretty good shot at adding it to an overall mosaic of my life, that is turning out to look pretty beautiful after all. All the disjointed pieces that I thought would never fit anywhere are sliding into places and it's not such an issue, them coexisting, after all.
I am who I am and I've been where I've been. It's all a part of the person I've become and the person I'm becoming. And it doesn't really matter if I don't see the big picture or can't pull some profound meaning out of every experience. Because there is a bigger picture, and it's all coming together for a bigger plan, one that all of our mosaics are ultimately going to fit together in a giant portrait of beauty, redemption, grace, and joy! So, I'm embracing those pieces, and excitedly watching as my life swells into a pretty cool piece of art. I may have left the desert and taken the camels off my wall, but I'll never put them behind me!
But, I am definitely not normal. For example, I still find myself craving long baguettes made of only flour and salt, or a huge bowl of spoiled milk camouflaged with excessive amounts of sugar. I fight the urge to obsessively shake everyone's hands whenever I walk into a room or leave it. I find myself putting my hand over my heart and averting eye contact when I encounter a man, especially one that I don't know very well. I find myself telling people things are "bismillah" or "tewf," or "zayn hatta!" and expect them to understand me! I wear sweaters in the summer in Texas and really can't comprehend certain disciplines such as not eating too much, exercising, reading/studying, being alone, or getting to work on time. To top it off I'm pretty sure my hair is still falling out!
And yet I still thought all of that was behind me. Until I started working back in a refugee resettlement agency. All of a sudden I am surrounded by people who are not only interested in my experiences, but have heard of Mauritania and can also ask somewhat relevant questions about my experience! And I run into Iraqis in the lobby talking about cell phone plans in Arabic and it sounds like a TMobile commercial I'm watching on Dubai 1! And today I helped a young guy from Iraq named Mohammed and a young guy from Somalia (also named Mohammed) go on job interviews which went really well, and it was such an amazingly cohesive moment. Suddenly my worlds are colliding and it makes sense! I don't have to relegate poor Noura to life in her alternate world of Mauritania and pamper Melissa here in the US as though nothing is different. Mauritania happened and life is happening now. I can say Salamu Aley kum and there are some folks around that understand. Or they don't and that doesn't matter. And although I'm still unsuccessful at processing my experiences so that I can parcel Mauritania off into a pretty little box (only to be dusted off and opened during the scattered Ramadan and Tobaski phone calls), I think I have a pretty good shot at adding it to an overall mosaic of my life, that is turning out to look pretty beautiful after all. All the disjointed pieces that I thought would never fit anywhere are sliding into places and it's not such an issue, them coexisting, after all.
I am who I am and I've been where I've been. It's all a part of the person I've become and the person I'm becoming. And it doesn't really matter if I don't see the big picture or can't pull some profound meaning out of every experience. Because there is a bigger picture, and it's all coming together for a bigger plan, one that all of our mosaics are ultimately going to fit together in a giant portrait of beauty, redemption, grace, and joy! So, I'm embracing those pieces, and excitedly watching as my life swells into a pretty cool piece of art. I may have left the desert and taken the camels off my wall, but I'll never put them behind me!
Leaving the Desert
So I don't really know that I have passed some spiritual testing or anything like that, but Joel and I are finally starting to move from our personal desert crisis of being broke to one of financial stability. It's been quite a frustrating process, but like most of its kind a learning one. We've learned a lot about community, and about relying on God. I think I mentioned a bit about it before, but basically I was confronted with some real testing of how I trusted in God. I definitely trust in His provision, but was throwing around a lot of catch phrases like, "It'll work out," or "God's in control." The part that rocked me was realizing how God has promised to provide--not necessarily by getting Joel and I jobs where we could fall into a comfortable income bracket. I saw His provision coming from family, friends, and seemingly random situations. Which was awesome. But I really started to get nervous that it might be permanent, and maybe His way of providing wasn't going to be the way I wanted!
Turns out, God did provide in an awesome way that I was also ok with :o). It took longer than I'd wanted, but I just got a job with the YMCA doing employment development for refugees! It is exactly where I want to be right now. The job doesn't pay great, but I'm sure in the long run it will still be more than we need. I've learned a lot about true community and being part of the universal church over the last few weeks, and am starting to view my belongings a lot less as mine, and more as a the possessions of God, intended for His purposes and His people. They have been lent out to me temporarily, but should be incredibly fluid--much more than I have tended towards in the past. What would my life look like if I didn't truly own anything? Definitely a more sold-out version of committed living. That may sound redundant, but my committed living doesn't always seem very different from normal life. And it needs to.
So, thanks to everyone that has helped us along the way as we've been struggling somewhat. Way to be part of the Kingdom here on earth! I've only had 2 days on the job so far, but they have been so exciting--which is all the more affirmation that I am in the right place and moving in the right direction. Like I said--He provides!
Turns out, God did provide in an awesome way that I was also ok with :o). It took longer than I'd wanted, but I just got a job with the YMCA doing employment development for refugees! It is exactly where I want to be right now. The job doesn't pay great, but I'm sure in the long run it will still be more than we need. I've learned a lot about true community and being part of the universal church over the last few weeks, and am starting to view my belongings a lot less as mine, and more as a the possessions of God, intended for His purposes and His people. They have been lent out to me temporarily, but should be incredibly fluid--much more than I have tended towards in the past. What would my life look like if I didn't truly own anything? Definitely a more sold-out version of committed living. That may sound redundant, but my committed living doesn't always seem very different from normal life. And it needs to.
So, thanks to everyone that has helped us along the way as we've been struggling somewhat. Way to be part of the Kingdom here on earth! I've only had 2 days on the job so far, but they have been so exciting--which is all the more affirmation that I am in the right place and moving in the right direction. Like I said--He provides!
Monday, September 28, 2009
Redecorating
Just a quick update on how life in our new apartment is going:
We've settled in pretty well so far, and are really liking the neighborhood. We've been getting to know our neighbors somewhat and hope to really build some relationships there. We are also really centrally located, only minutes from fun places like the Astro's ballpark and the museum district. An added bonus is that we are still only 30 minutes from Joel's family, and really close to where I'll be working as well.
Our apartment itself is really pretty fun. It's 2 bedrooms, which is more than enough space for us--in fact we've been having trouble filling it!! Since we've found ourselves short on seating, Joel and I decided to build a new couch from cardboard. Joel has been blogging about it some, but I wanted to give an update about it, since my part has now come into play. Joel's was building the actual structure, my job was to make it something someone would want to sit in. But the whole goal was to make it 100% recycled and 100% free. The cardboard took 1 easy trip to the dumpster, but we have been stumped with how to make it look nice. Well, last night I came across some new items, and am trying to figure out how to use them! Anyone know anything about furniture upholstering from scratch?
I obtained these fabrics and some cushioning last night. Although I'll hopefully get my hands on some more cushioning, I am trying to figure out what to do with this material so that it doesn't look like a janky dorm couch (or our other couch, for that matter). For any artsy readers out there, thoughts or suggestions? I could really use some help!
We've settled in pretty well so far, and are really liking the neighborhood. We've been getting to know our neighbors somewhat and hope to really build some relationships there. We are also really centrally located, only minutes from fun places like the Astro's ballpark and the museum district. An added bonus is that we are still only 30 minutes from Joel's family, and really close to where I'll be working as well.
Our apartment itself is really pretty fun. It's 2 bedrooms, which is more than enough space for us--in fact we've been having trouble filling it!! Since we've found ourselves short on seating, Joel and I decided to build a new couch from cardboard. Joel has been blogging about it some, but I wanted to give an update about it, since my part has now come into play. Joel's was building the actual structure, my job was to make it something someone would want to sit in. But the whole goal was to make it 100% recycled and 100% free. The cardboard took 1 easy trip to the dumpster, but we have been stumped with how to make it look nice. Well, last night I came across some new items, and am trying to figure out how to use them! Anyone know anything about furniture upholstering from scratch?
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I obtained these fabrics and some cushioning last night. Although I'll hopefully get my hands on some more cushioning, I am trying to figure out what to do with this material so that it doesn't look like a janky dorm couch (or our other couch, for that matter). For any artsy readers out there, thoughts or suggestions? I could really use some help!
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