The True Grace of Southern Womanhood

Lately I've been embracing the 1950's woman in me.  It may be a phase, a way to process motherhood and this stage of life as a homemaker.  It may be a way for the type A side of me to excel at something--even not working.  It may be a result of living in a new house and the opportunity to fix it up more than any of the previous apartments we have lived in.  I don't know how long it might take for me to get bored as a stay at home mom, or yearn for the more academic, social, or physical fulfillment that I have been accustomed to pre-Ezra.  But for now, I am actually having fun!

I've never coveted the title "Stay-At-Home-Mom."  In my mind, that phrase is synonomous with "Just a Mom."  But in the past several months, I have begun to learn that there is a true art to homemaking, something that can be done creatively and is worth taking pride in.  Like most things of late, this has been triggered by Ezra--my desire to have a spotless home (as he lays on the floor and chews on everything), the need for a specific healthy diet, his pleasure in observing his surroundings.  Conveniently, over the past year, I have learned a lot about homemaking from my in-laws (My own mother is amazing, a fantastic mom, immaculate housekeeper, excellent cook, ran a tight ship growing up, and excels at building home and hearth.  One of her gifts is definitely hospitality.  But for some reason I would never have classified her as a "homemaker."  She'd probably take that as a compliment.  Somehow the things she'd accomplish always seem nothing short of magic, with a result that leaves me mystified on how to replicate it.  This is probably why I am still okay even as a grown woman with letting her clean my kitchen whenever she visits).  Joel's family members are solid Texans, culturally speaking, without any of the obnoxious over-the-top Texas-worship for Texas's sake.  Blame my honest Yankee upbringing, but observing different aspects of their cultural gender roles have at times rankled.  I mean, how hard is it for a man to fix his own supper, wash a dish, or throw a load of laundry in the washer (or at the very least PICK UP his own laundry off the floor)?  While I do enjoy having doors held for me, I'm quite capable of getting them myself and really would rather skip folding the clothes every now and then.  As I've gotten to know my in-laws better, however, I've realized its not so much negligence or male chauvenism on Joel's father and brothers parts as it is an art form practiced by his mother and sisters.  I have myself reaped the benefits of coming to the Duncan household hungry, pregnant, tired, whatever the state, and been cared for with completely unassuming and unpretentious acts of service.  I have learned bits about the grace of homemaking from each one of my female in-laws. 

-Mom Duncan prepares food in epic proportions, specializing in healthy, organic, and hearty ingredients that can nourish and sustain her army of a family.  I will never be able to match the amount of precision that goes into her preparation and would never be able to manage even the grocery shopping!  I have no idea how her house has survived 9 children, let alone seem clean and open, channeling light and warmth no matter the amount of foot traffic.

-Elise can throw together a plate of food (something I have always inwardly protested as something I can/should do for myself) that is not only painfully delicious but exquisite enough to be magazine-worthy in the ways that she drizzles sauce, spices, and garnishes to perfection.  She has managed to learn the individual preferences of each family member enough to know that I will always perk up at the mention of avocado and lime, whereas Joel 10 times out of 10 will go for bbq or hot sauce.  This is no easy feat when you realize that there are 18 immediate family members to keep track of, and any number of surrogate family members as well. 

-Michelle quietly picks up the slack in any area that needs it and intuitively fills in the gaps without complaining or even needing to be asked.  She has the gift of making you feel instantly at ease, of being welcoming and hospitable without ever feeling forced or like the hostess.  From the sacred to the secular, the spectacular to the mundane, she always seems interested in what you have to say. 

-Rachel has this elusive middle-child quality that I can't quite put my finger on to explain, but for lack of better words she is such a presence.  I don't know how to describe it best except maybe through its absence.  When she is gone, there are huge empty gaps in the house.  She is not a noisy person, yet there is an eerie quiet.  She is not an overly-energetic person (the kind that energizes you when they are there but leaves you exhausted when they are gone), but there is a distinctly subdued atmosphere when she goes back to school.  And, she can bounce a baby for hours.  LITERALLY.  I get tired and am desperately looking for a pair of arms to pawn Ezra off on long before she does. 

-Aleya has embraced her artsy side, but instead of being emo and completely closed off into that (most of the time :o) she is always catching beauty and sharing it with others.  She has a way with words, with pictures, and an ability to reach out to anyone on any level without seeming judgmental or "better than."  People who feel alone or misunderstood are very drawn to her compassion. 

-Shannon is a woman of so many talents and gifts it is hard to name just one, but she has a depth of emotion and is full of "big thoughts."  Although I've been on this earth for more than a decade longer than she has, she constantly challenges me to engage with ideas that I prefer to ignore.  Plus, she is really fun to spike a volleyball at (or just hang out with :o).

-Youngest of all there is Claire.  Spunky, sassy, sensitive Claire.  She is quick to give her opinion, quick to tell a joke or a story, and quick to apologize.  She's held Ezra for me until her arms were breaking.  I've seen her play with other kids that I know are absolutely driving her nuts, but she doesn't let on at all. 

-Before I finish, I would be remiss if I excluded Amanda, the newest Duncan sister.  She has taught me so much about the power of surrender!  She is the intellectual equal of anyone I know but is a master at defusing tensions through humility.  Sometimes it is her silence, or the way she gracefully allows others to share their opinions without backing down that ultimately wins the battle. 

I started this post intending to share some of the awesome ways I have recently learned to embrace my inner-homemaker.  But somehow this has turned into an ode to the in-laws.  In college I had an experience that soured me on GRITS (Girls Raised in the South), but I've learned a lot about being a southern woman and I am grateful that my husband has such an awesome family that I can get along with and learn from, even if we have different backgrounds and at times very different opinions on things!  I miss my family every day, but it is such a blessing to have people that love me and Joel and Ezra, that welcome me home, even if it isn't Orth Drive.

UPCOMING:   My ventures into the intimidating world of homemaking, a mother's love and my diet of nothingness, amazing homemade gluten-free soy-free dairy-free egg-free nut-free allergen-free bread and the best sandwich in the world!!