I've been trying to figure out what it looks like to live a life obedient to Christ—one where I have completely relinquished control and am bearing that cross no matter the cost. I think a lot of people assume the Christian cross is all about the “thou shalt not's,”...restrictions and things God doesn't want us to do. And this blog (title at least) probably seems an affirmation of that. But from what I've been finding out—I promise it's really not! The Bible is filled with God's promises and the FREEDOM that we have in Christ—through obedience. To me that sounds like a contradiction (is it freedom or is it obedience?), so I've been thinking a lot about obedience and sacrifice lately. There's a lot in the Bible about it--Jesus being our greatest example, having been fully obedient to His Father and ultimately sacrificing His entire life.
When thinking about being a follower of Christ, the concepts of sacrifice and self-denial always come up. I tend to dwell on the parts of me that I consider to be more worldly and how I can shut those out; like a lifestyle fast. For example, my desire for comfort. Maybe I should sleep outside like I did for the past 2 years instead of renting an apartment (because you know, there are people in the world that don't have shelter--it is selfish to want that for myself!). Maybe I should not eat any food that tastes good, or go to the effort to cook delicious meals (because you know, there are people that not only do not have good food, but don't have any food at all!). And maybe those do lead to sin or idolatry of sorts. But lately I've been seeing surrender a little bit differently when you are living in submission to Christ. I don't think it's just taking hopes and dreams and desires and impulses and abstaining from them. I think it's denying the deeper part of yourself that wants to be in control by giving Christ complete Lordship over you. It doesn't make sense to cut out the things I am good at or find enjoyable just because I am supposed to “deny myself.” Christ made me a certain way with gifts and desires that in His hands will be beautiful, but He will never force me. However, if I try to hold on, it is ultimately the same thing as giving control to Satan, because he will and I am too weak. But instead I trust that in abandoning my own desires and plans to God's call there is an implicit promise that He is not going to leave me empty-handed. Full obedience means partaking in His divine nature.
So technically there is a cost, otherwise it would not be called picking up your cross. But the way I see it, attempting to retain my own mastery has to be even more costly in the end! Keeping eyes on the glory that is ahead shouldn't really be a sacrifice at all. Practically, I think that is less of a self-denial and more of a daily self-offering and openness to God's direction.
For me, this has recently played out in a big change of plans. I was excited and ready to go to Tulane—so excited and ready in fact that I barreled way ahead of schedule and began to feel a gentle nudging to put on the brakes. I didn't feel like God was asking me to give up Tulane or my MPH—in fact I feel like that is still definitely in my future. But I felt like He was inviting me to learn something, or participate in something much greater He had planned for Joel and I in Houston this year. So as reluctant I as I may have been to do a complete 180 and defer my enrollment for the fall, there has not been any regret. I still feel excited about what God has going on and discovering the reason He led us here. I am so happy to have taken a step in obedience towards His divine nature, and although that might have had it's costs—future career plans, family, current job/money situation, etc, I'm looking forward to what there is to come.
4 comments:
I like that you bring out the positive aspect of self-denial. Sometimes I have a tendency to focus too much on the negative aspect and not the positive.
We get to share in the work of Christ! We get to fellowship with God Almighty! How awesome is that?
You're right. It would cost far more to not give oneself wholly to Christ. Well said.
I think what you're talking about here, and what I feel like this blog is about, is the working out of a relationship with God. Right? It really struck me when you said:
"...technically there is a cost, otherwise it would not be called picking up your cross. But the way I see it, attempting to retain my own mastery has to be even more costly in the end!"
And I thought of an example that helped me arrange this idea in my own mind:
Some babies fight their parents' attempts to help them learn to walk, preferring to crawl because of the control and mobility that they know and have gained through their ability to crawl. Walking on the other hand, is hard and slow and difficult for them...not very mobile, and not very easy to control. But eventually, walking becomes easier and more useful. It has become the freeing and powerful ability that their parents knew that it would be...and the baby never goes back to the unwieldy and inconvenient crawl again.
Thanks for reminding us to consider our losses for what they really are.
I'm really encouraged by you and Joel in your steadfastness to the faith during your time away. Not that I'd expect any less, but my time in other places, or maybe just my time in the past several years in general has dampered or raised questions in my faith. I don't say that to be a downer, just to say that I'm encouraged by your strong faith. Thanks.
Hey Ariah, I'm glad that we can be an encouragement to you. I won't say that our time away didn't have it's dark moments, but if anything Jesus was really faithful to reveal Himself to us (or at least to me, I'll let Joel speak for himself) while we were gone. Those were the points when I felt like I had just surfaced into fresh air after months submerged under water.
Take heart--God cannot be untrue to Himself so He is faithful even when we are not!!
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